Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
