I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
