are you so shy because you have an std?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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