I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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