puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
