u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize