My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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