Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The dick lei will go down in squad history
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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