I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
