I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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