Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
