My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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