soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
