I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
