i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
