it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
