I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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