Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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