On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
