You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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