She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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