I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize