I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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