You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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