whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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