I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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