I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You can't just leave with hair like that
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
