New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
