are you still at the devil's house?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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