just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I need to calm my uterus...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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