So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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