Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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