accomplished twins. life is a go
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
