no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
