Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
