Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
