The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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