no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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