So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
