tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
