Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
