I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
