Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
