I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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