Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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