No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
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I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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