Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
