can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
