I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
