No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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