Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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