the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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