i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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