dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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