I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
