Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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