I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
