he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
