I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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