Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
