Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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