I cockslap morals
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I didn't notice because vodka
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
