Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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