Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
