You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
