remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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